Hello everybody, and welcome! We have a very special guest here for the ‘Mean Tweets’ segment tonight, none other than our very own president, Donald J. Trump! Give him a round of applause, ladies and gents! @
Trump: Hi, hello everyone. I’m very, very honored to be here tonight. I’m really interested to read what the wonderful people on the internet have to say about me. I know I’m pretty famous for what I say on Twitter, trust me. I might have to tweet these people back, heh heh. Let’s get going then. What’s the first one?
@GWashington: “@realDonaldTrump you know the cherry tree and lying story? Maybe you should listen and take it to heart.” 
Trump: Heh, funny I guess. But trust me, I don’t lie. Really! People always say, ‘Oh Donald, you’re lying about your ties with Russia!’ I’m not lying. We have to work together with Russia. They didn’t do anything to affect the election. That’s a lie. I wouldn’t lie. I’m working to restore relations with them. We need each other if we want to get our economy back on track. Trust me on this.
@Teddy_R: “@realDonaldTrump you might make America great again, but it definitely won’t look great after you dig it all up for coal!”
Trump: Who said anything about that? Trust me, America is good, but we’ll make it great! If we invest in coal, it will make more jobs. More jobs mean a better economy. And all that global warming nonsense is a hoax. China just wants to try and screw America over. There’s nothing to worry about. Coal will be the next big resource to put this nation back on track. Trust me. Alright, this one’s from someone called ‘FDR.’
@FDR: “@realDonaldTrump you say America will be great again, but your economic plans are just going to start the Great Depression: Part 2”
Trump: Wrong. So, so wrong. We’re going to make so many jobs. We’ll have so many jobs you won’t know what to do. No one in the thirties had a job. We’re going to make the unemployment rate go so low it’ll hit the ground. We just backed out of that, what was it, Trans-Pacific Partnership. Those countries in east Asia are screwing us over, but that won’t happen anymore. You are just wrong on this one. Asia, no China, won’t be screwing us anymore. I’ll make sure America only gets the best trade deals. Believe me, I’ll make it happen.
@_HonestAbe_L: “@realDonaldTrump you’re supposed to keep the nation together, not start a civil war”
Trump: Looks like this one’s from old Lincoln himself. I know people don’t like me. Just because I didn’t get the popular vote doesn’t mean I’m not liked. I know for a fact that people love me! I have friends, many friends. They always say ‘Oh Donald, you’re doing great! You’re really going to make this country great again!’ Those people that are rioting, those people don’t deserve to be here. We need to send them all to prison. Weren’t they the ones that said my supporters had to accept the results of the election? Well, look who’s being irrational now. We won’t have a civil war. It’ll be a social war, and I’ll come out on top. I always win. And I’ll keep on winning.
@Old_Hickory: “Wow, and I thought people said I was the worst president ever!”
Trump: This is a lie. I might not be the greatest, but I will not be the worst. Wow, subtweet me next time, buddy. Wait, who wrote this? Old Hickory. Wait, that’s Andrew Jackson! Hold on, Honest Abe? FDR? Teddy Roosevelt? C’mon, George Washington? Who did this? You think it’s beeeep funny to have past presidents try to roast me? Who did this? Where’s that beeeep director I had to talk to earlier? You, shut that camera off! I SAID SH—
Uh, ahem, sorry folks, that’s it for tonight’s show. That was Donald Trump, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for watching! *struggling sounds, muffled speaking* Cut to commercial, cut the feed!
NOTE: This story is completely fictitious and does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of The Tiger nor its staff. It is for humor purposes only.