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Bloodsuckers anonymous: the case of Betty White

Betty White: a name recognized by most today. Her career has spanned over 75 years and won countless awards. As of this year, White is 95 years old with no signs of slowing down any time soon. Have you ever wondered why this woman is such an icon and how she continues to be so active at her age? I’ll give you the answer by posing another question: Do you remember all the celebrities that died in 2016?
If it hasn’t become clear yet, I’ll help you along a little more with a word: vampires. Betty White is a vampire. OK, not exactly a traditional vampire like Keanu Reeves (that’s a whole other story for another time), but a vampire that sucks out years instead of blood.
Let’s start with Betty White’s arguably most iconic role: “The Golden Girls.” White was a star in “The Golden Girls” from the beginning in 1985 to the show’s end in 1992. Since 2010, White has been the only surviving main cast member of the series. The other three main characters all died in close proximity to each other, within the span of three years. White, on the other hand, has lived on for another seven years. Coincidence? I think not.
Moving on to the main event, let’s discuss the sheer number of celebrities that passed away in 2016. Betty White has obviously been around for a while, so it makes sense that she would get to rub elbows with plenty of other famous folks. The more people someone knows, the more likely it is they won’t get along with at least one of them. Perhaps White has a vendetta against these people, or perhaps she is just choosing them at random. This would explain why the ages of the deceased celebrities vary wildly in some cases. Take for example: George Michael versus Gene Wilder. We’re talking a difference of thirty years here.
George Michael is a bit of an outlier since most of the victims were getting on in age. Perhaps that’s why White chose to take their years. If someone is in their golden years, it’s safe to say that they have lived a full life, right? I think this rule applies just fine to the likes of David Bowie (69), Alan Rickman (69), Muhammad Ali (74) and Maurice White (74). Maybe Prince (57) and Carrie Fisher (60) were a bit of a stretch, but maybe those were the people White didn’t like very much.
Betty White has lived a long life, and if she continues to literally suck the life out of famous people, she’ll keep on living for a while longer. Hopefully you’re convinced at this point. I’ll leave you with an interesting thought: Betty White has lived for a long time, but so has the Queen of England. What happens when they will eventually go head-to-head?
NOTE: This article is fictious and does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and views of The Tiger. It is for humor purposes only.

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