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Six ‘swanky’ gifts for white elephant

With the holidays quickly approaching, gift giving is almost a must. Because nothing says “holiday spirits” like commercialism and fighting with a middle-aged mother over the last Nintendo Switch, right? A personal favorite gift-giving ritual of mine is White Elephant. If you’ve been living with Patrick Star, then you might not know that White Elephant is an essential game of gifts, swaps, steals and surprises. It’s all light-hearted fun, but the hardest part is probably picking out what to bring with you to your friend group’s ~holiday~ party. Thankfully, we’ve got a few ideas for even the cheapest of skates:
1. A box of tissues: if you’re having your party before finals week, this is the perfect gift for a friend. They’re going to be crying anyway, so why not give them something for them to wipe their eyes with? Even if you have the party after finals, this gift will work wonders when the gift receiver sees their final GPA.
2. A brick from the Union: Every year they say the Union will be shut down. When will it happen? Who knows, but having a brick would be a great way to maintain maximum ~nostalgia~ of this “iconic” building. Also, you no longer have to tell someone to hit the metaphorical bricks, just show them your brick and have them actually hit it.
3. The will to live: The great thing about this gift is that it’s completely free. Just take some of your own will and you’re good to go. You don’t even have to wrap it. You’re welcome.
4. A new heart: For the third year in a row, the Clemson Tigers have made the CFP. But that doesn’t mean they don’t have games that put us on the verge of strokes. Cardiologists are expensive, but a heart is cheap right? They 3D print them all of the time, so head on over to the Watt Center and get this present for free! If they don’t do it because it’s “unrealistic,” call them selfish and demand to see their manager (the Watt Center has one, right?).
5. An “IOU in like five years”: You know those videos where celebrities or successful people buy their family and friends nice things? Wouldn’t you love to do that yourself? Well, you can’t, because you’re currently sitting in your dorm room eating a Lunchables for dinner. Well, with this special version of an “IOU,” you can be in one of those videos in five years. Or at least buy your friend two things from the McDonald’s dollar menu.
6. An old shredded t-shirt: So remember when Kanye first launched his clothing line and you thought: “what idiot buys shredded t-shirts?” Well, you’re the idiot — or at least half idiot — because this gift requires an old t-shirt you don’t care about and a pair of scissors. Shock your friends with this latest piece of ~fashion~ and say you spent $40 on it. The person who ends up getting it will be as stylish as Gigi Hadid, minus the terrible walk and money-influenced modeling career.

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