Dear Crabby,
I have a problem. I’m currently living in Johnstone on Clemson’s campus. My roommate, although a nice person, has recently adopted an odd habit: He has taken to sleeping in my bed when I’m not there. I’ll often come back from class or after going out and find him all snuggled in my sheets. My bed is one of my most private places, so obviously I don’t want him invading it. How should I approach this?
Sincerely,
Dorm Room Desecrated
Dear Desecrated,
Wow. That is a strange problem. I know if my roommate was sleeping in my bed, I’d kick him out by the seat of his pants. The only reasons I can think of that your roomie would be sleeping in your bed would be either if he lost his bed or the more plausible one: HE IS TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR LIFE. This is a case of identity theft, and not the credit card or social security number kind.
To solve this problem, you could take the safe approach and consult your R.A., but how often does that actually work? I’ve got a couple of solutions for you. The simplest would be to swap both of your beds. Your roommate will get confused and go back to sleeping in his own.
If you are willing to sacrifice your bed, I would recommend putting itching powder in your sheets. A quick nap in that mess would serve as a lasting deterrence. You could also just get rid of your bed. Your roomie can’t take advantage of your cool pillow and soft sheets if you don’t even have a bed to sleep in!
If none of my suggestions work for you, you could always take a more permanent approach. Just be sure to ask one of your female friends the best way to get blood out of sheets. I wish you good luck, Desecrated!
Sincerely yours,
Crabby
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