It’s safe to say that in the world of Tinder, Grindr and FarmersOnly.com, there is no specific protocol for today’s rules of dating and hookups.
I was previously in a long-term relationship, only to be broken up with. After not looking for someone for so long, I decided to give the college dating scene a try. I felt that I instantly awoke into an alternate universe where everything is opposite of what it seems, and we all hide behind the security of our phones when it comes to making new romantic relationships.
How you meet someone is very important to success in an initial relationship (when I talk about relationships, I’m talking about all types of romantic encounters, whether that be potential partners, friends with benefits or just your average annual lay). What ever happened to meet cutes? I’m talking boy bumps into girl in line at the coffee shop and asks for her number —­ the introduction in every rom-com ever made.
Those natural ways of meeting people don’t really exist anymore, especially on a college campus. Here, people are too obsessed with their phones, with their friends and with themselves. Talking to strangers is weird, and God forbid rejection. Today, people think the only way they can meet their next partner is at frat parties or downtown at the bars.
There is a general stigma that the people you meet at college parties or bars are the kind of people looking strictly for hookups — which is completely fine for a lot of people who are just looking for a one-time drunken bang. But what about anyone else who is actually looking for something serious? Where are they supposed to be meeting new people?
This stigma is heightened because we’re in college, and I’d like to think that when I have a real job and I’m a real adult, the guy across the bar will order me a Cosmo (because that’s what Carrie Bradshaw drinks) and ask me out on a date. Here’s to hoping.
Then there is Tinder, which is the absolute best and worst place to meet someone depending on what you are looking for.
Obviously, Tinder is more pleasurable if you’re a girl. Most of my guy friends swipe right on every single girl, hoping that if they throw out a bigger net, they’ll catch more fish; the side effect of that is that they also catch more minnows.
If you’re a girl who is looking for a self-esteem boost and some attention but nothing more, go on Tinder. It’s nice to feel that guys actually want you — despite the fact they may have been playing Fortnite with their right hand and swiping on you with their left.
If you’re a girl who’s looking for a relationship, Tinder isn’t the most viable option. I’m not saying it won’t work out, because I know a couple of relationships that have, but the odds are slim. This is because of similar reasons I mentioned earlier, that there is a stereotype that people are only on Tinder to hookup.
No, I’m not getting Tinder confused with Grindr. People rely on Tinder because they’re horny and want to find someone, quickly and easy. There is nothing wrong with that, but also it creates an interesting dichotomy of people on Tinder. There’s the people who are looking for something serious and those who aren’t, and it’s hard, sometimes damn near impossible, to separate those out.
Generally speaking, even the guys who are just looking for a one-night-stand tell you they’re looking for something more, because they think there is a negative association with just wanting sex. That’s not unreasonable! But it’s better that you’re honest than if you drag something out where neither of you are getting what you want!
Despite saying that we know what we want, we’re so young and inexperienced that we often don’t even know what works for us. College kids are literally the most indecisive groups of humans on Earth.
For example, my good friend was sleeping with this guy consistently. She didn’t want anything serious and didn’t want to be tied down. She told me that no matter how many times they slept together, she could never orgasm. She came to the conclusion that she needed an emotional connection to feel a physical one. This is just a prime example of how no one really knows what the hell they want.
A couple of my friends are in the “friends-with-benefits” (FWB) situation right now, and every single one of them who are in or have been in a FWB relationship, have found that one side ends up catching feelings for the other, which just complicates everything.
This article isn’t to deter people from getting into romantic relationships or pessimistically say they’re impossible. The fact is, a lot of people are happy where they are and who they’re with. I wanted this article to voice the feelings of us struggling folk.
College can be disillusioning: It’s a unique time where we are surrounded by peers with similar mindsets,yet it’s also the hardest time to actually find something successfully romantically because we just don’t know what the hell we want. But there’s no time like the present to figure it out.