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The Tiger

The Folly of Man

Photo by Savannah Miller, Photo Editor

In my brief 20-year life on Earth, I have led many unsuccessful campaigns in the realms of women and relationships. I have made my fair share of mistakes and had my own hiccups along the way. 

I don’t pretend to understand a woman’s mind, just like I don’t pretend to understand chemistry; it just doesn’t work out.

They’re many things that I wish I could go back and do differently. Let me tell you this: Every guy feels that way. No guy is ever as smooth as he makes out to be. Even those that seem like the cat’s pajamas when it comes to women and seem to have the ability to swoop in and snatch any female they desire, much like going to the Orangeburg Walmart and picking out the best-looking lobster from the tank. 

It is not that easy, as we all know. Even these guys have all been rejected at least once, I assure you.

When God was distributing all the talents to the babies that were to be born on September 6, 1995, he must have forgotten to put the “smooth talking the ladies” token into the “Mark Hinds” bag of natural-born talents. 

Instead He blessed me with an uncanny ability to tell inappropriate jokes at inappropriate times; how nice. 

No, I did not receive a gift. I mumble when I talk to pretty girls. It kind of works out, though, because if you say something dumb, as I often do, they usually don’t quite catch it. A blessing in disguise? Possibly.

I firmly believe there are others on campus in the same predicament as I am. I write to encourage those who are afflicted by that same virus. I want to remind you all of one thing: Everybody is weird in some way, shape or form. 

I often avoid talking to some girls because of my weird, goofy, yet deadpan sense of humor that they probably will not understand. I can’t tell you how many times I have slipped a joke into a conversation and she had no idea what I meant. That blank stare is the worst. Men everywhere can relate to what I mean.

Back to my point: everyone is weird in some type of way. Some people set 15 alarms in the morning, some people can only set the stereo volume in their car on even numbers, some people don’t want their food touching, some people go to USC and some people won’t walk under ladders. It doesn’t matter. The point is, NO ONE is too cool for you to talk to. Do not ever think that. We are all just carbon based life forms at the end of the day.

There are those girls that seem unapproachable, kind of like a wolf with one paw caught in a bear trap, and you have nothing but a toothpick to kill it with. 

Those are the girls that guys like me would not dare think of uttering a word to. We do not usually get those kinds of girls; we leave it to the baseball players with their cool haircuts or guys with their lifted Chevy’s to take. Vultures. 

We need to rid ourselves of this mind set. I mean come on, people. This is 2016. Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are running for president—a real estate tycoon, a criminal and a socialist. Damn it, you’re telling me you don’t have a chance at that girl? If you see a girl you want to go for, hell or high water, go for it. This is America, the land of opportunity, and there is your opportunity right there: that ZTA in your STAT class, the Alpha Delta Pi you see in Cooper or whatever girl it is that you want to talk to. They’re right there, so go and take it. What have you got to lose?

My main point is this, some guys have a mind set that “that girl over there is out of my league, I’m not going to even try.” To hell with your “league.” 

Never sell yourself short; the power of suggestion is much too strong these days. Don’t be  afraid to talk to a girl because she might think that you have a weird personality, or some tragic social flaw. That is too much thinking. Unless you say something totally of the wall, I can almost guarantee whatever you say will be more beneficial than saying nothing at all. 

So get out there, friend. 

Put this paper down, don’t read anyone else’s articles—return to it later—and go give it a shot.

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