Confession: I may have eaten more than five freshly baked chocolate chip cookies from Harcombe with ice cream this week. Do I feel ashamed for admitting it? Absolutely not, because I exercise with sex: (sex)ercise.
I don’t consider myself overweight, though I can eat my weight in ‘55 Exchange butter pecan ice cream, Brioso’s black truffle ravioli with funghi sauce or Todaro’s pepperoni pizza. I love food (if you haven’t noticed), and sex is always nice. But when sex can keep me from gaining weight from my first love (which is food, of course. Sorry, babe.), then life is good. Here is your prescribed (sex)ercise regime to keep the pasta pounds at bay:
1. Kissing: 68 calories per hour
When you first start dating someone, you start locking lips and 30 minutes later, you’re coming up for air. You never knew you had lungs like that, and you also didn’t know that this was helping you lose weight. Kissing is great because, for one, it shows your affection and improves your bond as a couple, and it also helps you burn fat. If your kissing is vigorous, then you can be burning closer to 90 calories. This may seem insignificant, but kissing your babe for an hour can burn off that fifth cookie you ate in the dining hall.
2. Massaging: 80+ calories per hour
I don’t know about you, but I love giving my beau a back rub when he’s had a long day. It not only makes him feel better, but it’s the time at night when we can talk and be close. Giving a good massage can get your heart rate up and kick your body into calorie-burning mode. Sometimes going faster isn’t always the best; considering going slower while giving a massage because it works different muscles and is more sensual and intimate as well.
3. Having Sex: 144+ calories per half-hour
I feel like everyone knew sex was a workout, but I certainly didn’t know sex could burn all of the calories I gain from ice cream and Kit-Kats. Also, a little moaning and sighing can burn an extra 18 to 30 calories. Rest assured I will be moaning and sighing a lot more — those calories will rack up.
Trying new positions can give you a better workout as well. If you’re on top, try moving your hips like a belly dancer. It will not only feel great, but it will also be a workout. Also, try squatting on top of your partner and then bouncing up and down. This is great for your thighs and butt, and it can significantly increase your calorie count to 207 calories in 30 minutes. However, the most crucial thing you can do that will maximize calorie burning is that one simple thing everyone tries to achieve: orgasms.
4. Giving Oral Sex: 100 calories per half-hour
Forget the elliptical and the stair climber. Instead, you can find me in bed giving oral sex. To increase your calorie count to 71 extra calories, do push-ups while you’re giving. That may be a little too much for me to handle, but if you can do it, then go for it.
5. Using Your Hands: 100 calories per hour
Of course the classic hand job is a calorie burner, but you can add on 50 calories per hour by trying really slow, sensual strokes and positioning yourself so that you can use your body too. Rocking your body against his and changing the pressure can help too.
6. Romantic Dancing: 103 calories per half-hour
This is, by far, my favorite. I love dancing around the kitchen with my beau. Slow dancing is great, but to get a real workout you can add kissing — I’m not complaining! Take it from me: some of my favorite moments with the babe are dancing around waiting for our pizza to heat up in the microwave. It may be counter productive, but it’ll still make for a great memory and a good time.
7. Making Out: 238 calories per half-hour
You don’t have to get naked to have a great workout. Make out sessions work just as well, if not better. When you’re making out, there is always anticipation. Anticipation makes your heart rate go up, causing you to breathe heavier, which helps burn more calories. Also, making out in a hot room can really turn up the heat and cause you to burn more calories.
I don’t know about you, but I feel like the crowds at Fike will be getting slimmer when you try getting slimmer by having fun in bed with your babe.