There’s nothing quite like a random sexual hookup after studying non-stop for the past three weeks.
This, my friends, was one of the greatest things that ever happened to me. We had gone on a few dates only to finally settle in bed and get the ball rolling (if you know what I mean). I had never slept with a guy without having been in a relationship with him for at least half a year. He was a nice enough guy who happened to be a few years older than I, so I felt comfortable trying out this new experience — especially after recently leaving a long and toxic relationship. His performance was exceptional, and I couldn’t wait to see him again to construct a real relationship.
WRONG.
From this moment on, he was one of those guys who got what he wanted. Sure, it’s true that he wanted to keep seeing me and I wanted to keep seeing him. But it turned out that every time we managed to meet up (when he didn’t cancel on me at the last minute); he wanted to spend the entire time in bed with me. I was okay with this for a while, but eventually, I started bringing up dates. Like going to the movies, watching Netflix and eating pizza, going out to eat (I really like food) or spending the day outdoors. For whatever reason, he would agree that it was a good idea, and then cancel last second.
I’m addressing men and women here: if this is not the type of relationship you want, get the nads, for a lack of better words, to call it off. It took me several months to finally stop responding. Oh yeah, I tried talking about it with him. I told him I wanted more than sex, but in the end, it didn’t make a difference.
I’m not sure I would call this guy manipulative or if I would ever place him in a bad light. He’s a decent guy with a lot going for him. Things just weren’t happening the way I wanted them to. And that’s fine, as long as I could be honest with myself and be brave enough to call things off.
My advice is: if you start hooking up with someone, be sure to make things clear with each other from the beginning. Tell each other what it is exactly you’re looking for and get to know one another. This was my first experience hooking up with someone, and I probably rushed into it too quickly after abandoning a failing relationship. I was trying to fill a hole that couldn’t be filled. Learn from my mistakes and love yourself enough to give yourself the time you need to heal after a rough breakup. It will also give you time to remember who you are and what you truly want out of a relationship. This was a great experience for me because I learned that random hookups aren’t my thing. And sometimes, people put up a façade to get you interested in them.
In the end, I and the guy I broke up with became a thing again. We are currently close friends working to find ourselves together after all of this drama went down. The guy I hooked up with is a good and intelligent person, but he just wasn’t what I was looking for and it caused more pain to emotionally detach myself from another guy I cared about.
XOXO,
Maude R. Fokker