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Bored? Go clubbing!

Joshua S. Kelly

The school year has begun once again, and everyone has pretty much gotten back into the groove. So now that you have all your classes under control, why not sign up for a few clubs? There’s more to life than calculus tests and chem homework, so why not take a break every now and then? Here are the hottest new organizations you can join at Clemson right now:

1. Squirrel-Spotting Club

I’m sure by now that you’ve seen at least one squirrel running around campus by now. The Squirrel Spotters, or formally the “Association for Squirrel Spotting,” walk around and look for local campus squirrels to observe. This group writes down every place and time they see one off their furry friends frolicking around, and they actually have a rather impressive log of squirrel sightings that goes back all the way to 2005, when the club was founded.

2. Pig Latin Club

Ever wanted to learn a new language, or maybe just how to talk smack about someone right in front of them? Then this is the club for you! The Pig Latin Club is dedicated to teaching people about this confusing language, but not too many. Hen-tay here-tay ould-way e-bay o-nay oint-pay n-iay earning-lay he-tay ew-nay peak-say.

3. Rock, Paper, Scissors Competitive Team

Rock, Paper, Scissors is more than just a children’s game. It requires proper timing, hand-eye coordination and knowledge of R. P. S. algorithms in order to gain the upper hand. You can go head to head with other teams from across the state, participating in an epic battle to the death! OK, maybe not to the death, but it’s still like playing a sport without actually having to play a sport. 

4. Cheese Connoisseur Club

Clemson is quite famous for its blue cheese, which it has been producing for 75 years. The CCC aims to enjoy these blue cheese products as much as possible. It’s like a wine and cheese tasting, but without the wine.

5. Zombie Apocalypse Prep Club

There’s no doubt that the world is going to end at some point, so why not be prepared? This club anticipates us going out with a bang. And zombies. If you ever wanted to know what you should put in your bug-out bag, the best way to board up a building, or maybe just how to kill a zombie with one blow, consider joining the Zombie Prep Club.

6. Extreme Basket Weaving

Everyone’s parents always told them about the dumb class they took as an elective in college: Basket Weaving. Well this club is the exact opposite of dumb. Members take a dull activity and do it in the most extreme way possible. Whether it’s weaving while snorkeling, skydiving or camouflaged inside the lion exhibit at the Greenville Zoo, the Extreme Basket Weaving club will do it.

7. Abductee Support Group

Have you ever been driving somewhere at night and gotten lost for two hours? Have you ever had a close encounter of the third kind? Or maybe you’ve just seen strange lights darting around the sky? The Abductee Support Group is offering cake and grief counseling all this week.

Having an extracurricular activity is a great way to relax in your free time, and not to mention, an awesome way to meet new people. No matter what you like, Clemson is bound to have the perfect club for you!

*Note: This article is completely fictitious and does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and views of The Tiger, nor its staff. It is for humorous purposes only.*

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