The scandal that swept the Upstate last October has resurfaced in an unexpected way — that is to say, Tyler from Spartanburg is back.
Anyone who pays attention to Clemson football recalls the ill-fated radio call between Dabo and Tyler following the Tigers’ fourth loss of the season to NC State. Doubt was permeating the fanbase, and concerns for the upcoming game against No. 12 Notre Dame were growing louder by the minute. Days later, the Tigers upset the favored Fighting Irish in Death Valley by a score of 31-23 and finished out the remainder of their season undefeated.
Now, Clemson’s athletic department is eager to maintain this attitude and has reached out to gauge Tyler’s interest in being a motivational speaker.
“We need the guys fired up at all times,” an athletics representative told The Kitten. “We saw what happened the last time he spoke — the doubters, the haters, the non-believers were all proved wrong. If we have his energy in the locker room, the team will be unstoppable.”
During his radio call, Tyler decided this was a great opportunity to ask Swinney about his $115 million contract and $11 million annual salary. Swinney did not take kindly to speculations that he does not deserve the pay, and the ensuing monologue will go down as a part of Clemson football lore forever.
“All this bullcrap you’re thinking, all these narratives you read. Listen, man, you can have your opinion all you want, and you can apply for the job. And good luck to ya. All right?” Swinney said.
Tyler, a self-professed keyboard warrior, has admitted to making impulsive, inflammatory remarks that were not received kindly in the past.
“I really want to change the narrative about myself,” he said. “I’ve been known to stick my foot in my mouth in the past. My mom, my girlfriend, my grandma — they’ve all told me I embarrassed them with that call. I see this as a chance to redeem myself.”
If hired, the Greenville native will be on call before, during and after games in the locker room. His main duty will be offering his insightful analysis from a fan perspective, serving as a nagging voice to excite the team into action.
“They need someone to prove wrong,” the athletics representative added. “He will serve as a stand-in doubter, get them agitated, give them a reason to play even harder.”
The position will start off unpaid, with the chance to match Swinney’s salary if the team goes undefeated.
This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.
