If there’s one question non-Greek life students have been asking, it’s how Clemson’s sororities and fraternities became immune to COVID-19. While many on-campus students have to put on a mask to walk to the bathroom, these rules simply aren’t necessary for the immune.
Commonly known around campus as being ‘built different’, Clemson’s greek life students employed strategic tactics influenced by Anheuser-Busch and Coors Brewing Company in order to curb the spread of the virus.
“We stopped everyone at the door and asked them if they knew a brother,” said junior packaging science major Tad Lakely. “COVID didn’t know anyone, and we can’t be messing up our ratio.”
Of course, there’s a price to pay for salvation, and that price was having standards. However, it was Kappa Epsilon Gamma (KEG) super-senior Chad Natty who finally sat down with The Kitten to let the cat out of the bag.
“How did we become immune to that coronavirus? We just told her she wasn’t hot enough to come in,” said Natty.
The exclusive guest lists for formals and semi-formals are what kept sororities safe, according to MacKinleigh Anne Williams, a sophomore from Phi Mu Sigma (PMS).
“If we vet everyone and have a guest list, then Miss Rona can’t get into the tent,” said Williams. “So, we literally don’t have to wear masks or social distance. Plus, I’ve already had it twice so I’m basically immune anyway, right? Period.”
Other theories abound, including anti-COVID rituals during initiation or secret anti-viral properties in all Greek merchandise. Some even theorize that their chronic habit of wearing their masks below their noses actually helps to protect them.
