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There’s something in these hills, hopefully cement

Olweis Wright // Facts Editor
Creating flat land in areas such as the Douthit steps would be a much-appreciated change to campus.

Clemson’s charm and culture since its founding have seemed to revolve around its natural beauty and rolling hills. In fact, one of Clemson’s most well-known slogans is “There’s something in these hills.” However, as the campus and community evolve, there is so much more to love than just “these hills,” whose only addition to campus today is an annoying and tiring walk to class.

The hilly terrain that the University is built on adds little to no beauty to the campus’s charm. Looking from Daniel Hall to Olin Hall, students are unable even to see the beautiful fountain that lies below, sunken into an unnecessary valley made by hills.

Recently, the orange, blue and purple bus routes have all had to add four buses to each route to accommodate the demand of students who wish to avoid hiking their way to class. Consequently, the demand is creating congestion on the roads and causing many students to be late.

Those who do choose to brave the hills on a sunny day risk the chance of becoming sweaty and smelly from their journey from class to class. They announce their arrival to their lecture with an unwelcoming odor, punishing not only themselves but also their classmates.

The hills on campus not only pose a threat to students walking to class and the beauty of the campus, but also to the scooter kids. The hills cause too much momentum for skateboarders or students on scooters, putting their health in danger, as well as that of the other students. As they gain speed on these downward slopes, it makes it difficult for them to maintain control, causing potential issues for all students.

The only responsible solution for the University is to flatten the campus and level the terrain. Filling in and cutting down hills should be a top priority for campus construction. Since every other part of our campus seems to be consistently under construction, taking on the burden of flattening it should not be a concern for campus officials.

It’s time to take this concern seriously for the sake of all students and professors.

This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.

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  • W

    William Justice BruehlApr 2, 2024 at 8:27 am

    You poor soul, that you might have to move is part of your eduction.
    Get fit, get going.

  • D

    don leeApr 1, 2024 at 8:26 am

    I went to class in my 80s and it was no problem for me.
    Who are these wimps that are complaining?
    Next level the Death Valley hill?

    • N

      NicoleApr 1, 2024 at 11:20 pm