Tighty Whities
Tighty whities, also known as the male granny panties, provide an excellent canvas for skid marks and the barely functional dorm washing machine. Almost 69% of male freshmen report coming to the difficult realization that tighty whities are hard to keep clean without their parents doing their laundry, according to a study by Underwear Everywhere Research Institution.

After learning that popularity from high school does not transfer to college, Hugh Janus, a freshman shart major, claims that his tighty whities are the reason for his lack of social life. The undeniable virgin claims that he will be making the switch to boxer briefs in order to “get some.”

Thongs
Thongs provide a seamless look while wearing leggings, but thong connoisseurs run the risk of being cut in half when it gets a little far up there. Many students have been seen on campus trying to bring their thongs back down, but that becomes an awkward wedgie pick for people trying to mind their own business. Students have dubbed the distinct walk that accompanies an exploratory thong as the “wedgie waddle.” Duddy the Bog claims he has witnessed many of these waddles and feels he is entitled to reparations for the scarring imagery.

G-Strings
A step UP from the aggressive thong, in more ways than one…

Granny Panties
Granny panties are a full-coverage option that leaves the wearer feeling comfortable and modest. The high-waist, low-cut design leaves everything to the imagination, as there is no possibility of mooning the class when students bend down to get their book bags. A recent poll among students shows that only 1% of young adults who wear granny panties have had sex, so if the goal is to never get laid, this choice of panties will do the trick.

Boxer Briefs
Hot boys already know that boxer briefs are the way to go. According to a study completed by the Paste editors at The Kitten, 100% of students agree that boxer briefs show off just enough (without being tighty whities) to keep the girls curious and wanting more. Boxer briefs can turn even a measly 3 into a solid 10. Landing a little lower on the leg, boxer briefs can quickly transform into a makeshift swimsuit for those hot days when you walk past the Reflection Pond Water Park. Local po-po units have made a statement encouraging boxer briefs at the water park while also stating they are prepared to arrest those who “dare” to wear tighty whities in public.