Clemson University recently announced that this football season they will partner with the Greenville Zoo to provide a live mascot in Death Valley for the first time on game days. This comes after the previous mascots, The Tiger and The Tiger Cub, announced their retirement in a March press conference, citing terrible working conditions, long hours and an increase in post season responsibilities. 

The Tiger Cub, speaking through a translator, stated, “My tail has been pulled for the last time, and I refuse to stand for any more pictures with screaming children.” The Tiger refused to take questions. 

In response to this unexpected walkout, Clemson Athletics has worked tirelessly to find a suitable replacement. The Greenville Zoo will be donating one of their Malayan Tigers, which will run down the hill with Coach Swinney during the “most exciting 25 seconds in college football,” and will be allowed to roam the sideline of the visiting team during the game. The tiger will also dot the “I” in “Tigers” during the band’s pregame performance. Parents are encouraged to bring their children down to the sideline for a picture with this majestic creature. 

The tiger is expected to make its first appearance at the Georgia-Clemson game this fall, where the tiger will eat Uga X, UGA’s mascot, at the end of the game.