Clemson Athletics has officially partnered with Study Hall to make Jetfuel the new official drink sponsor of the Clemson Tigers, per an announcement made last week. Jetfuel has been a hit in downtown Clemson for years, and now, with the concoction set to replace Gatorade among all athletic programs, it is finally getting the recognition it deserves.
The sponsorship is set to take effect on April 1 for a minimum of 10 years and $50 million guaranteed.
“I’m really excited for Jetfuel,” head coach Dabo Swinney said. “It gets people rowdy downtown, and I want to spark that same untamed and uncontrollable energy in my players when they step onto the field.”
Though Gatorade is the standard sideline drink of most universities due to the so-called benefits of hydration and electrolytes, Clemson is continuously looking for ways to stand out and improve the student-athlete experience.
Study Hall announced that a slushy mixer will be added to the sidelines for all Clemson athletic programs to replace the 5-gallon buckets of dispensable Gatorade. It now becomes a question of who will be the first to experience the frigid excitement of winning a National Championship and feeling Jetfuel poured down their spine.
Complete with soggy paper straws, the mysterious orange slushy promotes the highest level of performance for athletes and bargoers alike with its intoxicating taste and ingredients.
“Yeah, man, Jetfuel is the f*****g best, bro. It makes me want to start a bar fight,” an anonymous Study Hall enthusiast said during a 1 a.m. interview with The Kitten last Friday.
Another regular Jetfuel drinker was overheard saying, “Oh s**t the f****g cops bro. Run! Run! I ain’t going to jail tonight!” clearly suggesting their satisfaction with the scrumptious Study Hall potion.
Study Hall is looking to capitalize on this blockbuster deal by adding a marketing campaign set to launch next week with the slogan ‘Unleash the Athlete Inside… Responsibly!’ to become the new motto of the Tigers.
The campaign will also feature past and present Clemson athletes who will elevate the beverage brand to celebrity status.
Basketball star PJ Hall was the first to be featured when his NIL deal with Study Hall produced an advertisement seen across billboards surrounding the Clemson area, reading “PJ’s favorite Hall is Study Hall!”
Clemson royalty Trevor Lawrence further endorsed Jetfuel in a collaboration with Subway, unveiling a new $5, 1-foot-tall glass filled with the “spiked energy” of Jetfuel.
This is just the tip of the iceberg, however. Study Hall has also teased the addition of their infamous $1 jello shots in Death Valley – just picture the team throwing back a jello shot before taking to the field to inspire fear in their opponents. Truly an image of pure ecstasy.
For Jetfuel and Clemson alike, there are exciting times on the horizon. A track record of success among thousands of degenerates supports Study Hall’s trailblazing introduction to the world of sports.
Now, only time will tell how Clemson athletes will perform under the influence of Jetfuel.
This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.
