Lies Archives - Page 2 of 3

Clemson to add College of Gen Z

Blakers Mauro, Mommy-in-Chief • April 1, 2024

In hopes of graduating the most “straight fire” student population, Clemson announced the opening of the College of Generation Z on March 32. Seminars offered in the new college include GENZ 1010:...

Clemson to revert back to red and blue colors

Mariah Jordan, Orange Hater • April 1, 2024

Aren't you tired of that orange and purple? If your answer is yes, there's no need to fear because Clemson University is bringing back its original school colors of red and blue. Starting April 1,...

Fake News Briefs

Josiah Sullivan, Senior Reporter • April 1, 2024

Tendy Tuesday to become Gamecock Tuesday Due to a nationwide shortage of regular chicken tenders, Clemson Dining has declared that next year, Tendy Tuesday will be replaced by Gamecock Tuesday. “While...

The Tiger to move into Clemson football facility

Luke Goatee, Ass Balls Editor • April 1, 2024

Clemson University has announced that the Allen N. Reeves Football Complex will be repurposed as a new office space for The Tiger. The facility is 178,000 square feet and gives The Tiger ample space for...

Watt Center roof to become an electric disco strip club

Kat Pugh, Professional Liar • April 1, 2024

The Board of Trumpets approved funding for converting the roof of the Watt Family Innovation Center into an electric disco strip club to provide students with academic stress relief. Construction of...

SCDOT develops final plan for Tiger Boulevard

Corey Glenn, Ass Shit Editor • March 30, 2023

Traffic on Tiger Boulevard has been a significant problem for many years, and the South Carolina Department of Transportation has devised a final solution for the problem. A new elevated freeway is set...

Clemson acquires USC as its Columbia campus

David Ferrara, Know-it-All • March 30, 2023

In the interest of saving money and letting go of dead weight, the South Carolina Legislature approved a bill Thursday to consolidate the University of South Carolina into Clemson University, making the...

USC Satellite Campuses to be renamed after Clemson takeover

Alex G Calerney III, Ass Shit Editor • March 30, 2023

After the announcement of Clemson’s takeover of USC, new names were released for USC’s satellite campuses. USC Upstate will be renamed Clemson: Murderburg; USC Aiken will be renamed Clemson:...

Football tickets to be awarded by GPA

Alex G Calerney III, Ass Shit Editior • March 30, 2023

Big changes are coming to the way student football tickets are awarded for this fall semester, just as has been the case for the past decade.The lottery system will stay; however, entries will now be based...

Clemson Bridge students lose on campus access

Anne Marie Lessig, Ass Balls Editor • March 30, 2023

On Tuesday, Clemson University released a statement announcing that Clemson Bridge students will no longer have access to on-campus facilities and buildings. The decision was made due to overcrowding and...

CUPD installs breathalyzers on Greek Quad

Alex G Calerney III, Ass Shit Editor • March 30, 2023

The Clemson University Police Department recently announced that they would be installing breathalyzers at the entrances to all dorms on the Greek Quad. The dorms’ doors will be equipped with small...

Top 5 crimes

Garrett Kent, Shit Reporter • March 30, 2023

5. Pointing and presenting firearm at person Definitely not the vibe. 4. Unlawful dissemination or promotion of obscenity Were they promoting that new god-awful Miley Cyrus song? 3. Moped theft Is nothing...