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Clemson News // Courtesy
The CATbus is free for all riders and is offered daily.

Tendy Tuesday to become Gamecock Tuesday

Due to a nationwide shortage of regular chicken tenders, Clemson Dining has declared that next year, Tendy Tuesday will be replaced by Gamecock Tuesday.

“While we are disappointed that we won’t have our normal tendies, we are very fortunate to have found a replacement,” an anonymous Clemson Dining representative said. “Obviously, no one ever wants gamecocks, so we have plenty to last us the entire year.”

This same representative added that if Gamecock Tuesday is a success, all fried chicken at Clemson will eventually come from Gamecocks, ridding the world of the otherwise worthless species of bird.

The Daily Gamecock declined to comment on this announcement.

Strom Thurmond’s ghost speaks out over Cooper Library hauntings

Most notoriously known as South Carolina’s longest-serving library bookkeeper, James Strom Thurmond shared his thoughts in regard to the recent allegations against Cooper Library’s ghostly conspiracy.

“Drawing back from my latter experience, so many students … freshman specifically, have little respect for the rules of engagements in regards to the quiet policy for the bottom floor, some would say the recent repercussions for the mounting disrespect are justified,” Strom Thurmond’s ghost said to The Kitten in an interview.

The Strom Thurmond Institute declined to comment on James Thurmond’s opinions in regard to this story.

New Dogbuses to come to Clemson

Clemson University Parking and Transportation Services will now offer Dogbuses to accommodate the increased number of students commuting to campus.

Projected Dogbus routes will cover all areas that are missed by the current Catbuses. For students who find themselves in need of a nighttime Cook Out milkshake, Dogbuses will be available on the weekends, 11 p.m.-3 a.m., to fulfill those cravings.

Additionally, students living in unusual areas, including but not limited to church basements, alleyways, tree houses, tents or cars, will have their homes added to a Dogbus route.

“We are very excited to be upping our transit game with the new Dogbuses,” an anonymous Parking and Transportation Services employee said. “Our goal is to have a stop for every student.”

This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.

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Josiah Sullivan
Josiah Sullivan, Senior Reporter
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