I’m sure by now you’ve heard the “amazing” plan that the Reflection Pond is going to turn into a water park. Personally, I think this is an awful idea. What we need is a pit.

Now, I’m sure that the Reflection Pond Water Park will be “fun” if you consider getting soaking wet on your way to class fun. Or, worse, sitting in the library gazing out at everyone having fun while you’re sitting where it’s dry because you have a paper due and can’t get your computer wet. This doesn’t sound very fun to me. You’re not even swimming! You’re just going to be splashing around in water that every other student has also splashed in.

It’s a good thing I have the perfect solution: a sandpit, which is infinitely more fun than a silly waterpark.

We need to talk about the one thing we’re sorely missing — a glorious, sprawling, sunlit oasis of fine grains in the middle of campus. Not only would this lessen some of the costs of construction and help Clemson’s wallet, but there’s also so much fun to be had. Some may scoff at the idea, but we need to examine the undeniable, research-backed and completely serious benefits of introducing a sandpit to our academic environment.

With all the struggles of exams and papers, students are in desperate need of a therapeutic outlet. Enter the sandpit. Just imagine sinking your hands into the soft, warm sand, sculpting away your existential dread into a poorly formed sandcastle.

Studies (that I may or may not have conducted myself) show that playing in the sand decreases stress, improves focus and provides a much-needed break from doomscrolling. It’s all the fun of the beach but without the gross sea creatures.

It’s also great for students of all majors! Geology students can analyze grain composition; architecture students can explore the fundamentals of structural integrity with sand structures; philosophy students can sit in the sandpit contemplating the fleeting nature of existence; and business students can start a highly lucrative sandcastle firm. The opportunities are truly endless. Even environmental science students can benefit from using the sandpit to study erosion, wind patterns and sustainability practices. The sandpit isn’t just a play area — it’s also an open-air classroom. With warmer weather approaching, this is what we really need.

A topic that has been brought up in The Tiger — the lesser version of The Kitten — has been the lack of things on campus for students under 21 to do. But nothing brings people together quite like a communal sandbox. Meeting people at the bars is so out. Sand sculpting competitions will be the next best thing for finding the love of your life. You can show your campus or dining hall crush how much of a free spirit you are with your connection to nature.

I think that the evidence is quite clear: we don’t need a water park. We need a sand pit.

Nehvar Wron is a freshman English and secondary education major from Lexington, South Carolina. You don’t need to contact her if you don’t agree, that’s too bad.

This satirical article is part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.