Clemson University students have had enough, and we should make it known by deciding to egg Parking and Transportation Services. Fed up with the constant parking tickets, the perpetual game of “find a legal spot before class starts” and the general absurdity of Parking Services, students should take matters into their own hands. The result? The parking office should be made to look like a poorly made omelet.
In a display of student unity, Parking Services should become the prime target of an elaborate act of protest every single night. In my opinion, students should be up to throwing an egg for every ticket they have received since they have been at Clemson — a gesture fitting to the seemingly endless stream of fines.
Parking Services, known for its generous distribution of $30 parking tickets, even though most students already pay $200 for parking permits, seems to love giving out citations, especially when there’s not enough parking for all the students. The office is notorious for its strict enforcement of regulations, even when students can’t park in a legal spot.
You might find yourself ticketed for a meter running out in the span of minutes or because you have to pay for the one open spot you can find, even though you already have a parking pass. It’s hard not to feel that the system is designed to do one thing: make the students absolutely miserable.
At least one student claims their latest ticket was handed out because they were 30 seconds late to their car, further fueling frustrations. The protest that we should stage is driven by these everyday annoyances. It will become a symbol of defiance for students sick of feeling like they’re just paying for more tickets than groceries.
For the students involved, it will be a small victory, a chance to get back at the evil Parking Services by egging them.
Jicole Nordon is a sophomore financial management major from Clearwater, Florida. If you’re from Parking and Transportation Services, her name is not Jicole Nordon, and she owns zero eggs.
This satirical article is part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.
