The Student News Site of Clemson University

The Tiger

The Tiger

The Tiger

Will Shipley redeclares for draft as quarterback

William Stencil
Shipley knows the sky is the limit for him, leading to his recent decision to flip to the quarterback position.

In a stunning turn of events at the 2024 NFL Combine, Clemson running back Will Shipley decided to try his hand at quarterbacking. Known for his lightning-fast speed and elusive moves on the field, Shipley strutted onto the turf with the confidence of a man who had binge-watched every Patrick Mahomes highlight reel.

Draped in a custom-made cape with “Shipotle” embroidered in glittering red and brown, he announced to the bewildered scouts, “I’ve got this, folks. Watch and learn.”

As Shipley lined up for the 40-yard dash, he glanced back at the starting line, winking at the cameras. The whistle blew, and he exploded off the blocks with the speed of a cheetah on Red Bull. His legs churned, his cape fluttered heroically behind him, and he crossed the finish line in an unprecedented time of 2.96 seconds.

Unfortunately, it was the wrong finish line, as Shipley had mistaken the 20-yard mark for the full 40.

Undeterred, he transitioned to the passing drills with the swagger of a man who had once thrown a perfect spiral in his backyard with a Nerf ball. Grabbing the football, he cocked back his arm, channeling his inner cannon and let it fly.

The ball sailed majestically onto the head of a startled pigeon perched on a goalpost.

As the combine came to a close, Shipley stood before the bewildered reporters, cape billowing dramatically behind him. “SHIP HAPPENS!” he proclaimed, striking a heroic pose that would make Superman blush.

And so, Shipley left the NFL combine with an air of confidence never before seen in the world of professional football. A trail of bewildered scouts and incredulous analysts followed in his wake, waiting for further comments that would never come.

Is he the next dual-threat NFL quarterback, a comedic genius or simply a man who just wanted to show his love for his favorite NIL deal, Chipotle? The world may never know.

This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.

Leave a Comment
Donate to The Tiger

Your donation will support the student journalists of Clemson University . Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment and cover our annual website hosting costs.

More to Discover
Donate to The Tiger

Comments (0)

All The Tiger Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *