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The Tiger

On The Prowl: Sex God Basics, The How-To Guide

This is Ima Fox, taking over On the Prowl, Clemson’s sex advice column. I’m here to bring you some advice on the bump and some critique on the grind. It’s been a while since we talked sex, so let’s get back to the basics: how to get good with the wood (or other tools at your disposal). On some level, everyone is worried about their skills, which is a shame considering that Clemson is consistently voted one of the most attractive campuses in the nation. Let’s use our assets, not doubt them. Take these basic tips and start your journey to becoming the sex gods I know you can be – then go unleash your roars.

1.Be prepared

It’s a wild world out there, tigers, and condoms are one of the few forms of birth control that actually prevent sexually transmitted infections. The hormonal control that women can use to prevent pregnancy–that means the pill, chips and IUDs–are great at stopping the baby-making but don’t do anything to prevent disease. For those of you in the LGBTQ community using this moment to feel smug about your choices, condoms and dental dams (thin sheets of plastic to place over the vagina during oral) are a must for you too. Any sexual contact (biblical or otherwise) requires protection. According to the American Sexual Health Association, about 50 percent of the population will have an STI in their lifetime. Considering the un-sexiness of that statistic, make sure that before you get physical, you have some physical barriers. And ladies, don’t be shy about bringing the protection. Nothing is hotter than a girl prepared.

2.Talk the Talk

Sex, like Taboo game night, is a communication game. The better you are at talking it through, the better the experience, and the less likely your loved ones are to get frustrated and drop you from their team. The myth that good sex is spontaneously initiated by longing stares and flawless, jazz-accompanied transitions to the bedroom (thanks, Hollywood) is dreadfully under informed. The reality is that sex, like all activities with more than one person, works better when you talk it out. This means asking, “Do you like/want/enjoy this?” and pausing to listen to body language. Moans and sighs are your friend, but if you are unsure of your next move, just ask. Each partnership is different, so you’ll have to work it out together.  If you’re afraid that voices will wreck the mood, then obviously you’ve never heard Sean Connery speak. Channel the raw sexuality of his beautiful baritone and feel free to ask for directions.

3.Less beer, more beds

It’s true that most college sexual encounters happen with the help of some liquid courage. It’s also true that most college sexual encounters suck. Alcohol deadens sensory organs which means that drunk you get less bang for your, well, bang. Women physically feel less, and men often have trouble keeping woody wooden. So for the major leagues, keep Captain Morgan out of your bed. Get drunk on love instead.

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