The Board of Trumpets approved funding for converting the roof of the Watt Family Innovation Center into an electric disco strip club to provide students with academic stress relief.
Construction of the rooftop will begin on April 1 and is predicted to be completed by August. Students will be able to attend the grand opening on the first day of fall semester.
Access to the multi-level rooftop will be available to all Clemson students as long as they have a valid CUID, regardless of age.
New, state-of-the-art elevators will be installed in the center to give students a luxurious entry into the rooftop.
The City of Clemson Police Department and Clemson have decided to allow drinking in the electric disco strip club without age restrictions as well.
“Underage students can enjoy alcoholic beverages in the club without the fear of minor in possession charges, fake ID citations and other fines,” Corge Jampos, the city police chief, told The Kitten.
The first floor of the rooftop presents the common club scene with five clubs themed with different features of Clemson, state-of-the-art surround sound and two open bars — all-you-can-drink style — per club.
The five themed clubs will be named Orange, Purple, Tiger, Death Valley and South Carolina. Each mini-club boasts different characteristics specific to each theme.
The Orange Club and Purple Club will offer only orange and purple drinks, respectively.
The ceiling of the Tiger Club will present a sprawling, three-dimensional tiger powered by LED lights with disco balls as eyes.
The Death Valley Club will have strippers that exemplify notable Clemson football players, such as Lever Trawence, Eravis Tienne III and Wammy Satkins.
The South Carolina club will offer alcoholic sweet tea shots, strippers dressed as notable politicians from the state, Charleston cocktails and more.
The second floor of the rooftop strip club will provide eight jacuzzis complete with bottle service, high-tech water jets, orange and purple LED lights and tiger strippers.
Additionally, Clemson has added stripping to the list of on-campus employment opportunities offered to students. The University will offer a stripping class worth 3 leisure skills credits to correspond with class credit, as pole dancing is a workout for most.
All strippers are kept in tiger cages during performances for safety and Clemson representation.
Furthermore, Clemson is promoting students, supporting student strippers by tipping them with Paw Points. There will be an ATM available at the entrance to the club where students can buy cash with their Paw Points.
Stripping auditions will open in late May, in addition to applications for bottle girls, bartenders and DJs.
“We always want to foster work ethic in our students, and this stripping opportunity will help shape our students into the best they can be,” Clemson President Clementine Jimbo told The Kitten.
This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.
