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Clemson to bring back on-campus Wendy’s

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Clemson will reinstate the Wendy’s at 1 Bryan Circle.

As you may have noticed in your recent walks around campus, Peppino’s Pizzeria is currently undergoing construction. While many believe this is a standard operation (because what’s more standard in Clemson than construction, right?), Peppino’s lack of success has led Clemson University to reflect on arguably one of the worst decisions made in the University’s history: getting rid of the on-campus Wendy’s.

In a unanimous decision by university staff last Friday, Clemson opted to remedy this notorious mistake and reinstate the Wendy’s at 1 Bryan Circle, effective immediately.

“We’re confident that an on-campus Wendy’s will thrive,” a Clemson Housing representative told The Kitten. “We understand many students were disheartened by the decision to replace Wendy’s a few years ago. This shared disappointment even led to a ‘Never Forget’ campaign. We want these students to know that we never forgot. We believe its return will bolster our current and future students’ sense of community, making Clemson feel even more like home.”

Students began to address the return of Wendy’s rumors that started circulating early this semester. Many members of the Clemson community initially believed the rumor to be false. Since its confirmation by the University last week, though, a number of students and alumni have taken to social media to express their excitement.

“Nature is healing,” a sixth-year mechanical engineering student said on X, formerly known as Twitter. When prompted about the tweet, the student said: “When I first came to Clemson, getting Wendy’s on your way home from downtown was a rite of passage. I mean, everyone did it. So watching Clemson get rid of that was like … it was like Clemson lost sight of what it stands for.”

With Peppino’s recent financial struggles in mind, Clemson sees the return of Wendy’s as a strategic move to attract more students to the area and, consequently, boost their annual earnings across all on-campus restaurants. This move not only brings back a beloved food option but also ensures the University’s financial stability. It also aligns perfectly with Clemson’s motto: why do something if it doesn’t yield a profit?

“It was like a gold mine for the school,” a seventh-year economics major said when asked about the impact of the former Wendy’s. “There was always a line outside the door, even at like 1 or 2 a.m. I’m not joking. I never understood why they got rid of that place.”

The new and improved Wendy’s is set to open at the beginning of the fall 2024 semester. Future customers are asked to keep in mind that the only acceptable forms of payment will be Paw Points, Apple Pay, Daddy’s credit card and verified ItsUrWeiner receipts (restrictions apply: valid only after 1 a.m., purchases must be made within two hours after the timestamp on the receipt and must include at least one litcher).

This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.

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