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Clemson announces inaugural men’s gymnastics team

Ashleigh Snyder
Thanks to his petite 6-foot-1, 230-pound frame, running back Phil Mafah has been tabbed as a specialist for the future men’s gymnastics team.

The Clemson athletic department has announced its intention to establish a men’s gymnastics program following the success of the women’s team this year.

This establishment would be the 16th NCAA men’s program in the country.

With roughly two years of preparation ahead, the team is already scouting male athletes, and recruiting directors are prioritizing the top athletes in the nation — namely, those who already attend Clemson.

Soccer star Tyler Trimnal is highly sought-after thanks to his six-foot-three frame, which places him at the forefront for events such as the pommel horse and still rings.

On vault, running back Kevin McNeal is currently tabbed to be the team’s strongest asset. McNeal’s stature and football training have prepared him in both agility and flexibility, meaning he will easily master the vault and is likely to anchor on parallel bars.

Teammate Phil Mafah is reportedly interested in joining the team as well, though he is rumored just to be looking for another hobby to exhibit his athleticism.

Clemson golf’s Jonathan Nielsen, tennis’ Noa Vukadin and track and field’s Daniel Cope are also being scouted for the team. Nielsen is desired on the floor by Clemson fans, and the senior himself is looking to showcase his secret tumbling skills.

Thanks to underlying uncertainty regarding basketball coach Brad Brownell’s current contract, he is an early shoo-in as coach for the upcoming squad.

“He just doesn’t want to leave Littlejohn,” said no one in particular. “This would get him to stay.”

Due to a small number of teams and a lack of defined conferences, NCAA men’s gymnastics would allow Clemson to compete against schools such as Stanford, Air Force, Ohio State and Penn State.

Athletics has yet to announce a start date, but the pressure to pursue is on.

This article is satire as part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.

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Ashleigh Snyder
Ashleigh Snyder, Photo Editor
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