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Sydney Westphal, Layout’s Last Hope
Marty Vs Oscar
Recent events, which revealed his expertise in the subject, have led to Will Smith being hired onto Clemson’s faculty to teach a Self-defense course.
Though Clemson has consistently ranked among the colleges with the lowest on-campus crime rates, ensuring student safety remains at the top of the faculty priority. This led the leisure skills department to add a Self- defense course to their over 150 class options per semester.
With registration for classes for the fall 2022 semester opening in the coming weeks, interviews to fill the position were yielding no results.
It was not until the airing of the 2022 Academy Awards that the faculty of the leisure skills department found the man for the job.
While he brought home the Oscar for Best Performance of an Actor in a Leading Role, Smith’s greatest performance was his display of strength and form when delivering a traditional right-handed slap.
Faculty who watched the fateful performance live reported, “we knew when he stormed the stage: that is the face of defense.”
Smith’s acceptance speech echoed the sentiments of the department, and Clemson University as a whole. With tears in his eyes, he said “I just spit, I hope they didn’t see that.” 
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