Earlier this week, Clemson University announced the department of art will be instituting a new course as a general education requirement for all University students in the fall 2027 semester.
ART 6969: perspectives on faculty anatomy, is a one-semester, three-credit-hour class in which students will “learn to respect and embody the human form, specifically that of their professors, while naked.”
To facilitate this new course, the University has announced that all University staff and faculty will be contractually obligated to participate in nude modeling for the class sections.
“This new program is an enormous leap forward for our arts department,” said Valarae Zynamy, chair of the art department, said in an interview with The Kitten. “We here at Clemson strive for a more intimate relationship between students and faculty. What could be more intimate than seeing your professors naked?”
The Kitten also reached out to various students and faculty, seeking their opinions on the new class and its requirements.
“I think this is a big step forward for Clemson,” Jenna Tohls, professor of anatomy, said. “I’m always looking for ways to make my class more engaging for students, and if this program succeeds, I might be able to bring some concepts into my own class.”
In order to facilitate registration, prospective classes will, during registration, be displayed with both the name of the professor and the faculty members who will be modeling for the class, alongside photos so that “students can make informed decisions regarding class schedule,” according to Zynamy.
Priority registration will, of course, go to football players, legacy admissions and anyone else that the University considers worthy of special treatment.
In addition to the new class program, the University has announced it will begin construction on a dedicated building in order to house the class, stating that the “vibes are off” on the current campus, and that faculty members “couldn’t be expected to strip in our current buildings. “
The new building, which is set to be built on the site of Bowman field, is a state-of-the-art studio complete with mood lighting, sound systems, haze machine and anything else faculty members may require to “get in the zone.”
Throughout the class, students will meet each week and compose one 2-foot-square portrait of a nude faculty member in a medium of their choice. Permitted mediums include pen, pencil, paint, charcoal and other forms of physical art. Portraits will be printed on the football stadium’s benches during the fall semester and displayed during the spring semester at basketball games.
University spokesperson Schmoe Schalbraith said this was an effort to ensure that “everyone connects with our staff, not just students.”
This satirical article is part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.
