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President Clements picks up Uber driving

Sydney Westphal, Layout’s Last Hope

“Please tip me,” said Clements, unprompted.

On Tuesday, Clemson students received a ‘Spring Update’ email from President Jim Clements detailing several University events, as well as a surprise announcement. In order to combat the growing limitation of parking spaces around campus, Clements has announced that he is becoming a certified Uber driver.
“I don’t get the chance often to help the student body directly, so I’m excited for this new change of pace,” Clements wrote in his email. “I can’t make more parking spaces appear out of nowhere, but I can sure drive a car myself.”
Clements additionally addressed the rising gas prices and how they will affect his service. “I will be doubling average Uber prices to accommodate the gas shortage. But don’t fret! Your paw points are redeemable for rides between the minutes of 9:05 a.m. and 9:55 a.m.”
In an interview we were able to conduct with the President later that day, we questioned some of the items included in his Uber excursion.
Griffin Cobb: “In your email, you announced your ride schedule was 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Do you think that’s unfair to those with 8 a.m. classes?”
Jim Clements: “There aren’t 8 a.m. classes, right? …Right?”
GC: “What makes you qualified to be an Uber driver?”
JC: “I’ve been driving for longer than most of these students have anyways. It’s probably better I drive than them.”
GC: “Parking has been a constant issue for students. Why become an Uber driver instead of thinking of ways to construct a parking garage?”
JC: “What’s a parking garage?”
After two days of service, Clements currently sits at a driver rating of 2.3 stars. A source familiar with the matter says head coach Dabo Swinney to start a rival transportation group where students are given piggy-back rides by football players.
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