As America rolls out more COVID-19 vaccines, there is a fear that these vaccines are harmful. Some people go as far as to say that these vaccines will give you an Autism Spectrum Disorder. This statement is false; you cannot develop a learning disability from the vaccine. Besides, developing an Autism Spectrum Disorder should be the least of your worries if you are living in an on-campus dorm. It is common knowledge that Clemson dorms have asbestos and ladybugs in the walls, but Clemson has been keeping a secret about its dorms from its community: these dorms were built on top of a chemical waste site. Over the years, according to the scientists at TrustMeBro.org, people who attend Clemson University have a 99.7% chance of growing a third limb. Over 70% of these alumni lived in the high rises during their time at Clemson. Speaking of the high rises, there have been other disturbing discoveries that will make you deeply concerned for the wellbeing of Clemson students.
Kaitlyn Spencer, a freshman business major, is currently staying in Byrnes Hall for the 2020-2021 school year. Over spring break she made a shocking discovery that made her parents cry: her skin glowed light green in the dark. “I was going to the kitchen to get a glass of water at midnight, and I heard a shriek! I turned around and my mom looked terrified. I looked like The Flying Dutchman from Spongebob!” There are a plethora of stories like Spencer’s; her story is just one of thousands here at Clemson. When asked if she was planning on getting the COVID-19 vaccine, Spencer explained that she had already been exposed to copious amounts of chemicals and believes that she has immunity to the effects of some of the most fatal chemicals in the vaccine thanks to staying in the high rises. “It really is a blessing in disguise,” Spencer begins, “Thanks to Clemson dorms, I’m not afraid to get the vaccine because the worst thing that could happen to me has already happened. Thank you, Clemson!”
Clemson is known for successfully preparing students for the real world, but little did we know that the university was also preparing us for the COVID-19 vaccine. When the vaccine becomes available for everyone, Clemson students who live or have lived on campus should be the first in line to receive it. Clemson houses their students in unhealthy dorms, but at least their students are immune to the most pernicious chemicals, and the students get to look like The Flying Dutchman!
