The lack of accessible attractions within walking distance of campus is detrimental to the Clemson experience. It makes me just so darn mad, so the University needs to spice things up. An idea that may seem ambitious but is comfortably within the realm of possibility is the addition of an amusement park.
The site of the demolished student union behind Tillman Hall would be the perfect place for said amusement park to go. Now, I know that the University plans for that area to be green space, but they’re not very far in that direction at the moment, so they should be able to switch around the plans and make it an amusement park.
Don’t get me wrong, green space is great, but it doesn’t exactly instigate fun and recreation like an amusement park does. The park could have loads of attractions that could provide oodles of fun.
Just imagine it: a roller coaster could excite the masses, bumper cars could be used to let out some excess frustration, a mirror maze could offer a challenge after a night of bar-hopping, and a Ferris wheel could provide a new angle to see our wondrous campus. There would no doubt be extended nighttime hours on Thursday through Saturday until 3 a.m.
To fund the park’s maintenance and upkeep, “ride swipes” could be introduced. Ride swipes could work identically to meal swipes, but instead of being used for dining halls, they could be for amusement park rides. It’s quite simple, really.
An amusement park would give students new recreational opportunities, which they are sorely missing, and also liven up our campus in general. It would be a unique addition to our campus, making other universities envious of our amusement park and how they don’t have one, but we do. But we have to build it first, so let’s get to it.
It’s a no-brainer; we should have already done it.
Kesrej Eloc is a sophomore world cinema major from Murrells Inlet, South Carolina. Let him know if you have any ideas for cooler amusement park rides.
This satirical article is part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.
