Sometimes it feels like all anyone does is complain about politicians. Gas prices are too high, the job market sucks, no one can buy a house, there are potholes in the roads — the list goes on for what seems like furever. Just the other day, Simba told me he’s growing increasingly concerned about the conflict in the Middle East.
After a whole lot of thinking, meowing, drinking milk and eating rats, I’ve come up with the purr-fect solution: Famous cats should replace all world leaders.
Think about it. We’re already making huge progress regarding animal diversity and political representation with Duddy the bog and his owner, Bave, taking over as Clemson University’s student body president and vice president, so why not take many steps forward and just impeach all world leaders?
Goodbye Donald Trump, hello Tom Cat; au revoir Emmanuel Macron, bonjour Penelope Pussycat; adios Claudia Sheinbaum, hola Puss in Boots; and до свидания Vladimir Putin, привет Cheshire Cat.
“What about dogs, though?” Duddy, reigning champion of Best Campus ‘Celebrity,’ told The Kitten in an interview. “Where is our representation?”
When asked his thoughts on Duddy’s sentiment, Scar from “The Lion King” said that Duddy needs to learn to be satisfied with the opportunity he has been given to lead Clemson’s undergraduate student body alongside his owner.
“Plus, he’ll get more recognition for being the only leader in the world who’s a canine,” Scar continued.
Sorry, Duddy, while I hate to side with the scheming lion, he’s right. And let’s face the fluffy truth: cats are just better equipped for the job.
Arguments and disagreements among those at the top would be entirely eliminated since everycat would be the same species. Assassination attempt rates would decrease to zero, as all leaders would have nine lives. With a strictly enforced diet of milk, fish, mice and birds across the globe, food insecurity and poverty would cease to exist.
Now, you might be asking yourself, what about the Cat-in-Chief of The Kitten — the oldest, sexiest, prettiest, furriest, most feline mewspaper in all the land? Well, don’t get your tail in a tussle or whiskers in a whirl for even a moment. I’m not going anywhere for a long, long time, you silly goose! After all, I am a Kat.
Kitty Cat is a junior English major from Clayton, California. If you attempt to reach her, she will definitely delete your email on purpose because she is a cat, she does what she wants and she does not have opposable thumbs.
This satirical article is part of The Tiger’s April Fool’s edition, The Kitten. This story was written for comedic purposes and has no verifiable truth to it.
